See also: Love has Constraints
Informal Structures = friend groups Formal Structures = organizations w/ rules & accountability
The shitty drama that happened between me and Sam and my friend group more broadly reminds me of Jo’s essay. The people who attain social power in a friend group (my opinion) should be qualified people. But how do you define qualified in a friend group? Is it people who are most able to give advice? Is it wiser people?
Forming a friend group and finding a footing there is important. It’s a vital part of life but it’s also important for each person to be their own independent person. To have strong character.
Friend groups that are too inclusive, that don’t hold bad behavior with accountability, are garbage friend groups. Are dangerous. In these groups, the most extroverted people become the spokespeople. They talk a lot and people seek their approval but they are not the most wise. Maybe they are the most inclusive.
Character is not built on exclusivity. It is not built on going along to get along. One must pick a side. That is what an opinion is. And vocalizing that opinion.
What is up with our fucked up society where people are proclaiming “love” as an excuse for serious moral reasoning.
Moral reasoning calls for decisive and sharp thought.
How would I go about extrapolating The Tyranny of Structurelessness to a friend group? Friend groups are informal structures where you get elites.
A friend group is an informal structure, a type of moral community as philosophers would say. Although there is no judicial system, no formal rules or laws for governance. For how decisions are made. For how people are punished. For what counts as good behavior and bad. For who gets rewarded and punished. It is the members of the friend group who hold others accountable.
The dangers, however, of a friend group can surface with Tyranny of Structurelessness style wherein the loudest, most extroverted, most seemingly influential people, with perceived power via “attachment styles”, they are nice, they give gifts, they are inviting… become the spokespeople. They gain respect, Kantian definition of respect, because people like them. They are nice. Not because they do things of substance…no, hold on, not because they are good leaders. To be the core of a friend group means to be a good leader. You are responsible for ensuring longevity and life and blood.
The struggle I think of making a moral decision is that you will be subject to gossip. This may make you think that you are wrong. You may feel succumbed to retreat into old thought patterns, familiar ones, because you seek approval but equally that you think you are doing something wrong because the moral community, the friend group, is now talking about you, gossiping. This gossip might hold you in steady position.
What’s actually happening with Harry is that he is being invited to a wedding where no one wants him at. He finds himself alone in a crowd. How sad. Why would I put myself in a position like that to also be made a fool?
Emily did it when she came to our cabin weekend. She hates Davin and Mareesa, yet she came because she wanted to support Harry.
Wow, this friend group will be like MetaGame. People who circle jerk each other without any actual deep feelings. I thought we had deep feelings for one another. But the relationship was always flaky, a sand castle. It could not withstand the storm.
I always need to move myself away from the storm. Don’t willfully move into it. When you see a storm, move away. Sometimes, like I experienced now, the storm came at me. Some things out of my control. My character helped me to navigate myself away from it. I’m still firm and strong. Let the other people wafer in indecisiveness. I love them but they need to learn to not treat people like objects. Like numbers.
I would have a terrible time at the wedding. Sam is making a mistake. That poor girl.